I've Been MIA

I know, I know, it has been a long time since I posted and I have intentions on getting better at this.  Moslty for my kids, to record the things that happen in their lives, but also as a journal for myself.  I haven't even taken very many pictures over these last months.  So much has happened and I have had to work through a lot of emotions. Now with Charlee in school and the boys aren't babies anymore and not as needy, I am going to try to take more pictures, update my blog more often, scrapbook, sew and do more of my crafting crap.  August 21st kind of marks a new year for me. I believe that this will  be an awesome year and hopefully Lynn and I will be able to take a small vacation, just the two of us, next summer. The kids are doing great and I am anxious to post pictures of everthing that has happend since I last posted. I LOVE my little family!!

(The picture is my Davie. He is about 16 months.)

Thinking

Boy, is my mind full of all sorts of stuff!!  It is boggled with things that have happened, getting over some of those things, forgiving, letting go, how I see myself, things that I'd like to do, things I need to do, what is my purpose besides being a mom....and so on and so on!!  Just a lot of thinking.

Tommy

Tommy in his jammies

wearing Charlee's "pirate coat"

and wearing a hat of Charlee's

playing with my old suitcase

I used as a kid to go to my grandmas house.Classic!

My Dancer

Charlee is in dance for the first time this year. Her performance was a couple of weeks before Christmas. She had so much fun and it was so cute to see her dance. She looks so grown up!
Charlee with her cousin Ireland.

Her Aunt Charisse did her hair. It was so cute.

My grown up girl!!!

Christmas 2011

Here are the kids with Santa pictures that Emilie also took!! I have so many photos but I absolutly have to show off hte ones that Emilie takes.
David was happiest on the floor.

Tommy was just a ball of energy that would not stay still!!!

Of course Charlee is Miss Model!!

These little mini photo shoots are so much fun!!

Halloween 2011

I am so behind.

Here are the Halloween photos taken by Emilie of www.photobyemilie.blogspot.com

She is awesome and the kids (and me) love her!
Charlee was a Mermaid.

Tommy was a Hamburger.

And my baby Davie Dot was a Monkey.

He wasn't too happy in this costume, he was so hot and uncomfortable.

Thats the price you pay for cuteness.

Trials And Gratitude

Three months have passed since I last wrote. It has been such a roller coaster ride, with its ups and downs, sharp curves and the sensations of puking up your entire lunch. I am physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually drained. I have cried till my eyes were puff balls, I have yelled till I was hoarse and I have prayed till my knees were sore. I will never forget where I was and how I felt Sunday afternoon on August 21, 2011 when some of the most horrible things were disclosed to me. Kind of like my own personal 9-11. No one died, but a part of me did along with the past 12 years. Besides the birth of my 3 children, which are 3 days I will always hold dear, I am not sure what was real. Through a lot of prayer, attending the Temple, attending groups, seeing a counselor and having a lot of Faith, I believe I am starting to heal. This is a long road and one that will be a part of the rest of my life. This is my trial. I have accepted that. Despite what I am going through my heart is full of gratitude and since it is Thanksgiving in 2 days I thought I would share my gratitude:

1. I am so gratefull for a loving Heavenly Father. He is why I am here on earth. He knows me by name and knows my heart. I do believe that He will not give me more than I can handle. Although, I came so close to breaking completely this time, I know that He will not leave me.

2. I am so gratefull for my Savior Jesus Christ. I know that through Him I can be healed. I know that He will never leave me. He has given me great comfort and Peace and continues to give me the strength I need to continue on.

3. I am so gratefull for the Atonement. I am so grateful to know that the Atonement is real. It is so real and it is not just for my sins. I know that through the Atonement I can give my burden, my pain and my heartache to Him and He will bear it.

4. I am so grateful for Charlee, Tommy and Davie. My Ball Babes are my life. Some days are hard to get through with crying, whinning and demands but I believe that they are some of the reason I am able to get through this trial. I love them forever and ever!!

5. I am so grateful for my Mom and my brothers and sisters. I am so thankful that I was able to tell them everything that was going on and that they all support me. I am so glad that they were chosen to be my family. I love them so much.

6. I am gratefull for my dad. As crazy as this sounds, I am glad that he is on the other side of the veil, because it has been at some of my darkest days when I have felt him comforting me. I love and miss him terribly but grateful to know I will get to see him again someday.

7. I am so gratefull for my BFF Katie. I am so glad I have a friend that I can talk to about anything and everything. I am glad for the different perspective she gives on things and that she can tell me the truth. She has been a great support to me and I love her.

8. I am so grateful for my ward calling. Being the 1st Counselor in the Relief Society has been a challenge. I have had do step out of my comfort zone but it has been great. I am getting to know some awesome women that I might not have unless I was in this calling. I do miss being in Young Womens but I so believe this is where I am suppose to be. I LOVE our ward. I am grateful for our Bishop and for the Stake President. I have truly been blessed in this calling and ward.

9. I am grateful for trials. I know that it is through this trial I have come to know my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ. I have great faith that I chose this trial in the pre-exsistance. I believe that I knew I would take on this trial and that as much as it hurts it will be worth it in the end.

10. I am grateful for Lynn. I am thankful that he works hard to provide for our family. I am thankful that he wants to be better and that he wants to change. I am hopeful that through this trial, we will become closer than ever and have a love for each other that we could never have ever imagined! I already believe that we are better people because of this trial. I do love him and hope that by next Thanksgiving I can move him farther up my list.

I could really go on and on, but that is the top 10.

So I leave you with a picture of Charlee on the first day of Kindergarten. Yes, my baby started school. She loves it.

I am so behind but I have had a lot of other things on my mind. I hope to make it more of a habit to updat my blog more often. The kids were so cute for Halloween!! That will be my next post.