Trials And Gratitude

Three months have passed since I last wrote. It has been such a roller coaster ride, with its ups and downs, sharp curves and the sensations of puking up your entire lunch. I am physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually drained. I have cried till my eyes were puff balls, I have yelled till I was hoarse and I have prayed till my knees were sore. I will never forget where I was and how I felt Sunday afternoon on August 21, 2011 when some of the most horrible things were disclosed to me. Kind of like my own personal 9-11. No one died, but a part of me did along with the past 12 years. Besides the birth of my 3 children, which are 3 days I will always hold dear, I am not sure what was real. Through a lot of prayer, attending the Temple, attending groups, seeing a counselor and having a lot of Faith, I believe I am starting to heal. This is a long road and one that will be a part of the rest of my life. This is my trial. I have accepted that. Despite what I am going through my heart is full of gratitude and since it is Thanksgiving in 2 days I thought I would share my gratitude:

1. I am so gratefull for a loving Heavenly Father. He is why I am here on earth. He knows me by name and knows my heart. I do believe that He will not give me more than I can handle. Although, I came so close to breaking completely this time, I know that He will not leave me.

2. I am so gratefull for my Savior Jesus Christ. I know that through Him I can be healed. I know that He will never leave me. He has given me great comfort and Peace and continues to give me the strength I need to continue on.

3. I am so gratefull for the Atonement. I am so grateful to know that the Atonement is real. It is so real and it is not just for my sins. I know that through the Atonement I can give my burden, my pain and my heartache to Him and He will bear it.

4. I am so grateful for Charlee, Tommy and Davie. My Ball Babes are my life. Some days are hard to get through with crying, whinning and demands but I believe that they are some of the reason I am able to get through this trial. I love them forever and ever!!

5. I am so grateful for my Mom and my brothers and sisters. I am so thankful that I was able to tell them everything that was going on and that they all support me. I am so glad that they were chosen to be my family. I love them so much.

6. I am gratefull for my dad. As crazy as this sounds, I am glad that he is on the other side of the veil, because it has been at some of my darkest days when I have felt him comforting me. I love and miss him terribly but grateful to know I will get to see him again someday.

7. I am so gratefull for my BFF Katie. I am so glad I have a friend that I can talk to about anything and everything. I am glad for the different perspective she gives on things and that she can tell me the truth. She has been a great support to me and I love her.

8. I am so grateful for my ward calling. Being the 1st Counselor in the Relief Society has been a challenge. I have had do step out of my comfort zone but it has been great. I am getting to know some awesome women that I might not have unless I was in this calling. I do miss being in Young Womens but I so believe this is where I am suppose to be. I LOVE our ward. I am grateful for our Bishop and for the Stake President. I have truly been blessed in this calling and ward.

9. I am grateful for trials. I know that it is through this trial I have come to know my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ. I have great faith that I chose this trial in the pre-exsistance. I believe that I knew I would take on this trial and that as much as it hurts it will be worth it in the end.

10. I am grateful for Lynn. I am thankful that he works hard to provide for our family. I am thankful that he wants to be better and that he wants to change. I am hopeful that through this trial, we will become closer than ever and have a love for each other that we could never have ever imagined! I already believe that we are better people because of this trial. I do love him and hope that by next Thanksgiving I can move him farther up my list.

I could really go on and on, but that is the top 10.

So I leave you with a picture of Charlee on the first day of Kindergarten. Yes, my baby started school. She loves it.

I am so behind but I have had a lot of other things on my mind. I hope to make it more of a habit to updat my blog more often. The kids were so cute for Halloween!! That will be my next post.