My Miscarriage

I have been in bed for over an hour trying to sleep but I can't. I need to get out some of what I have been thinking and feeling about since my miscarriage. It seems to me that a lot of people don't want to talk about it, but I don't think it should be hush, hush. When my friend, Paige, talked to me about hers, it was nice to talk to someone who had had one. My mom miscarried 4 times (one at 5 months) and I have heard her stories before about them, but now I can understand some of what she went through. It is like what my friend said, that now I belong to an exclusive club of women who have had a miscarriage. Is it a club that I wished that I belonged too? No, but I can now relate and maybe help someone else who goes through the same thing. This morning when I opened the drawer in the bathroom to get my toothpaste,

I came across this:It is part of the wrapper from the pregnancy test that I took on June 24th, that confirmed I was pregnant. I could feel that huge pit in my stomach open up again. It was a reminder of what I lost. I did, in fact, miscarry on July 3rd at 9am. I went to the doctor on July 6th, and he confirmed that there was nothing there and that nature had taken care of everything. I guess you could call that good news, but it still hurts. These last few weeks have been really confusing for me. I guess I have been trying to make sense of what happened and how I feel about it. I am still working on that. I am working on putting together a scrapbook page about my miscarriage. Some might find that weird, but this is something that happened to me and I want to record it, and it is also a way for me to get closure. That is really what I need right now, closure. I am so grateful that I do have two beautiful children but that doesn't mean that I can't mourn for a baby that I wanted so much!