Trials And Gratitude

Three months have passed since I last wrote. It has been such a roller coaster ride, with its ups and downs, sharp curves and the sensations of puking up your entire lunch. I am physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually drained. I have cried till my eyes were puff balls, I have yelled till I was hoarse and I have prayed till my knees were sore. I will never forget where I was and how I felt Sunday afternoon on August 21, 2011 when some of the most horrible things were disclosed to me. Kind of like my own personal 9-11. No one died, but a part of me did along with the past 12 years. Besides the birth of my 3 children, which are 3 days I will always hold dear, I am not sure what was real. Through a lot of prayer, attending the Temple, attending groups, seeing a counselor and having a lot of Faith, I believe I am starting to heal. This is a long road and one that will be a part of the rest of my life. This is my trial. I have accepted that. Despite what I am going through my heart is full of gratitude and since it is Thanksgiving in 2 days I thought I would share my gratitude:

1. I am so gratefull for a loving Heavenly Father. He is why I am here on earth. He knows me by name and knows my heart. I do believe that He will not give me more than I can handle. Although, I came so close to breaking completely this time, I know that He will not leave me.

2. I am so gratefull for my Savior Jesus Christ. I know that through Him I can be healed. I know that He will never leave me. He has given me great comfort and Peace and continues to give me the strength I need to continue on.

3. I am so gratefull for the Atonement. I am so grateful to know that the Atonement is real. It is so real and it is not just for my sins. I know that through the Atonement I can give my burden, my pain and my heartache to Him and He will bear it.

4. I am so grateful for Charlee, Tommy and Davie. My Ball Babes are my life. Some days are hard to get through with crying, whinning and demands but I believe that they are some of the reason I am able to get through this trial. I love them forever and ever!!

5. I am so grateful for my Mom and my brothers and sisters. I am so thankful that I was able to tell them everything that was going on and that they all support me. I am so glad that they were chosen to be my family. I love them so much.

6. I am gratefull for my dad. As crazy as this sounds, I am glad that he is on the other side of the veil, because it has been at some of my darkest days when I have felt him comforting me. I love and miss him terribly but grateful to know I will get to see him again someday.

7. I am so gratefull for my BFF Katie. I am so glad I have a friend that I can talk to about anything and everything. I am glad for the different perspective she gives on things and that she can tell me the truth. She has been a great support to me and I love her.

8. I am so grateful for my ward calling. Being the 1st Counselor in the Relief Society has been a challenge. I have had do step out of my comfort zone but it has been great. I am getting to know some awesome women that I might not have unless I was in this calling. I do miss being in Young Womens but I so believe this is where I am suppose to be. I LOVE our ward. I am grateful for our Bishop and for the Stake President. I have truly been blessed in this calling and ward.

9. I am grateful for trials. I know that it is through this trial I have come to know my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ. I have great faith that I chose this trial in the pre-exsistance. I believe that I knew I would take on this trial and that as much as it hurts it will be worth it in the end.

10. I am grateful for Lynn. I am thankful that he works hard to provide for our family. I am thankful that he wants to be better and that he wants to change. I am hopeful that through this trial, we will become closer than ever and have a love for each other that we could never have ever imagined! I already believe that we are better people because of this trial. I do love him and hope that by next Thanksgiving I can move him farther up my list.

I could really go on and on, but that is the top 10.

So I leave you with a picture of Charlee on the first day of Kindergarten. Yes, my baby started school. She loves it.

I am so behind but I have had a lot of other things on my mind. I hope to make it more of a habit to updat my blog more often. The kids were so cute for Halloween!! That will be my next post.

God Grant Me Strength

This past week was a week from Hell. It was a week that I would not wish on anyone. It felt as if my world was crashing down on me. I have a long road ahead of me, but I believe that by imersing myself in the Gospel and my new calling as 1st Counselor in the Relief Society I will be able to get through this. More catch up posts to come, the kids are growing up so fast!

My Lil Mechanic

Lynn was working on our car one day and Tommy thought he would help. He is the silliest little Boy!!

Davie's Blessing Day

My sweet baby boy!!Davie was blessed on May 1st. It was a great day. All the people that came were my mom, Erline; Charisse, Dan, Ireland and Eydra; Kirk, Kelsey, Wesley, Austin and Avery; Steven (Tina and the kids couldn't come.); Kevin and Jackie; Jeff, Barbara, Karter, Karson and Emmit; Lynns parents and our friends Alex, Lisa, Danielle and Austin. We had a FULL house!!! We had a lot of food and had a good time. I was glad that most of my family could be here for our last baby blessing.

Next up: Baptisms!!

Photo By Emilie Easter Event 2011

I can't believe I didn't post these sooner. I am soooo behind. Emilie had her Easter event again this year, so of course, I had to get the kids pictures taken.

Davie was not in a good mood and wouldn't turn his head, but he is still a cutie.Tommy would not sit still, but was very interested in the bunnies.
Charlee is always smiling for the camera.

Here are my Ball Babes.

As usual, Emilie did a great job and the kids love her.

Easter 2011

Easter morning. I missed it. I was up all night with Davie, that Lynn let me sleep and he took pictures of the kids.

Tommy was really excited about this bunny!! I believe he truly enjoyed savering this chocolate bunny, foil and all. I found it litterally half eaten. There were teeth marks on the foil and no extra to be found!! Thats my boy!!He is just too funny.
Charlee and all her loot!! Note the eye mask with eyelashes on it. She loves eye masks. Don't ask me why.

Tommy digging into his stuff.Here is Davies basket. I wish I would have gotten a picture of him by his basket.

I love Easter! I love ALL holidays, but it is so fun to fill Easter baskets. When Lynn was a kid, he said that for Easter they just got a paper cup with candy in it. That's no fun! I want my boys to have all that Easter has to offer. That means they get a Easter basket even if it is girly!!

Easter Bunny Cake

Every Easter we make a bunny cake. This is something that my mom did every year and we have continued the tradition. This year Erline came over for Easter and let Tommy adn Charlee help make it. Tommy lasted for a while and then he was ready to go play.Frosting the cake.
Adding all the yummy coconut.

Adding all the details.

Voila!! Bunny cake.

My Birthday

Ok, now to play a little catch up!!

In April I celebrated my Birthday. It was on a friday, so Lynn suprised me with taking the day off. He even made breakfast for everyone that morning. However, he did not let me sleep in.

For lunch we went to Santa Monica Pizza for their lunch buffet. They have yummy bread sticks! Tommy enjoyed spilling, no, dumping his water and then slurping it off the table. Mmmm!!Charlee loves pizza!
Lynn being a nerd, as usual.

Lynn got me a Nothing Bunt Cake. They are soooo moist!!

Here we are at home about to eat cake.

Over all it was a fun day.

A Year Ago Today...

..was when I had my miscarriage. It's weird to think about it. I was so sad at the time and yet I got pregnant two weeks later and voila, we have our little Davie. I am still sad remembering how I felt and still wonder. Was it our little Davie that just wasn't ready yet? Was it a test to see if I really was ready for baby number three so soon? Was it just nothing or will that baby be waiting for me to raise them in the eternities? I don't know but I am so thankful to have my David Wavid!!

(In this picture Davie is about 6 weeks old.)

Tommy The Tot

These are a few of Tommy's adventures as a tot. These were taken in March before Davie was born. Charlee never really got into trouble, but Tommy, he's all boy.Tommys first experience with sidewalk chalk. He actually prefers to throw it. Tommy liked to open my big drawer in the kitchen and crawl in. It was cute until the drawer started to break. I had to put a stop to that. He was not happy!
Again, drawers in the kitchen are fun. He got into the baggie drawer and emptied the baggies out of their box. I was not too happy but he was!

Then eating is always a messy event. Here he is enjoying a Kit Kat. See it on the top of his head!! He always makes me laugh, my crazy, silly, sweet tot!!!

Busy, Busy, Busy

It has been CRAZY around here. We have been so busy and a we have had a lot of visitors and have done a lot. I swear to post some of the many many pictures I have. For now here is one of Davie. It posted sideways and I do not know why and do not know how to fix it. He is almost 2 months here and right now he is almost 3 months. I will get stuff up asap.

My Sweet Davie

Of course I had to have my friend Emilie take pictures of our new little man. She does an amazing job, and the kids LOVE her. In these pictures, Davie is 5 days old.

I highly recomend Emilie.
Her blog is http://www.photobyemilie.blogspot.com/.

David Hoggan

David Hoggan was born on March 29, 2011 at 3:19 pm. Weighing 8lbs 1oz and 20 1/2 inches long. Everything went great and I am glad he is here.Our first family photo. I will write more later and I have lots of pictures to put up. Just thought I would get this much up since I like to procrastinate!!

Last Day

Today is my last full day being pregnant. I go in tomorrow morning to be induced. I am nervous to go through this again but so excited to meet my new little man. I am so glad that my mom was able to come again to help out. I wouldn't have her here if I didn't want her here. Lynn took these pictures yesterday before church. Tommy just wanted out of my arms to run. He loves it outside. Charlee just complained because she wanted pictures with Lynn. So it is not a very good picture but you can see how big I got. I definatly got bigger with this one that the other two. I will post pics of the babe as soon as I can!!!

37 Weeks and 2 Days

I had my doctors appointment yesterday and I am moving along nicely. 80% effaced, 3 cm dialated, ripe and ready. He decided to go ahead adn induce delivery because of the hypertention. Hooray!!! That made me very happy. So we go in at 7am on Tuesday, March 29th. That is just next week. I can't believe it. This prenancy went by really, really fast. I am just glad to have a date. Now I need to finish all the crap that needs done before I go to the hospital. Cleaning, pay bills, put away baby clothes, do grocery shopping, I'd like a haircut, Lots to do. Anyway, I am scared and excited an looking forward to seeing our third little one.

36 Weeks

I had a doctors appointment and Non stress test on Monday. The baby is head down in position, I am 70% effaced and 2cm dialated. I have been having small little contractions every now and then. Of course I may not go for another few weeks, but sooner would be nice. I am getting the nesting instinct already and really feel like getting this place ready for the babe.

Baby Update

As of today I am 34 weeks along. This pregnancy has gone by very fast. Very, very fast. I still can't believe that I only have six weeks left. I know I have done it twice but I am starting to get scared to deliver again. It hurts like hell and you never know what is going to happen. So far things have been good. It is pretty much the sme as when I was pregnant with Tommy. I am on medication for high blood pressure and for Gestational diabetes and I have to check my blood four times a day. I still have regular doctor visits every 2 weeks. Then I started going to Maternal Fetal Medicine to have weekly non stress tests done. This coming monday will be the third one. So far everything has been looking good. I have asked if he will induce me again because that was really nice to know when I was going in, instead of having it be a suprise. I would much rather him break my water again (which did not hurt at all) than to have it happen in the middle of a store or something. My next Doctor visit is on Monday, Feb. 7th. I am just hoping that things still continue to go as smoothly as they have been.

Tommy Turns One

On December 28th, my little B-boy turned one. I still can't believe he is one already. We did not do much, just a small party with family. Grandma Strader, Erline, Charisse and Dan and their girls, Ireland and Eydra were there. We ate tacos and had some very yummy cupcakes from a place called So Cupcake in Salt Lake. They are really good!!!!! Then Tommy opend his presents. He had a lot of fun playing with the tissue paper. He has grown so much. He even mastered walking the week before his birthday and then mastered how

to go down the stairs a week later. That was nice. We were able to put the gates away!! They really can be a pain. He loves to jabber on and has the cutest wrinkeled up nose, squinty eyed, showing his big choppers, smile!! He is such a joy. He absolutly adores Charlee and they have a lot of fun together. She has been a really big help with him. He can wave bye or hi and he even tries to say hi when waving. He will wave and say "Haaa" He is going to be just as smart as his sister. So now to explain the tree.

I have a cousin who's daughter was born right after Christmas and for her birhtday they take down the ornaments off the tree and put up balloons. I always thought that was a great idea. (Thanks Stephanie.) So when I was preggo with Tommy, that is what I thought I would do. So the day after Christmas I took down all the crap off the tree and put up balloons and streamers and put bows on top of the tree and then I put his presents under neath. (Those are brown balloons, they look black.)
It definatly made it feel more like a

birthday and not Christmas, plus Charlee had fun helping me put it all up and Tommy loved to pull it all down. It was a great day!! I love him so much and so grateful he came to join our family!! To think that we thought that maybe Charlee would be our only one since it was not easy to get preggo the second time! Here he is after eating a red velvet cupcake. What a sweet boy!!!!

Photo By Emilie Santa Event 2010

Once again, the ever talented Emilie, took pictures of my babies. This year went much better than last year. Tommy was not yet born, but Charlee was scared to death. I don't know why, because he is the BEST santa ever!! (He is actually Emilies hubby!) Here are just 3 out of the pictures of the bunch. I loved them all, perfect or not!!!Tommy enjoying the sucker!!
That is my hand dressed up like Santa. All Tommy wanted to do was bite my finger.

This is my favorite one of Charlee with Santa.

I look forward to all of Emilie's holiday events. I can't wait for the Easter Event in April.

www.photobyemilie.com

O Christmas Tree

Since I neglected to post any Christmas pictures in December or January, I need to play catch up. This was our tree this year. It was just right. Charlee had fun helping me put up the lights and ornaments and Tommy had fun trying to take them off. I can't wait for Christmas this year. It is my favorite holiday!!!

A New Calling

We have been in our new ward now for 4 months and its pretty small, so I was suprised we didn't get callings sooner. Anyway, Lynn has not recieved one, but I did. I was called to be a Young Womens Advisor. They are only going to have 2, because there are so few young women that they usually combine for lessons. I will get to teach more lessons! I am always so nervous but I enjoy it at the same time.

This picture has nothing to do with this post but I thought it was too cute. Tommy sometimes will fall asleep on the floor in the morning.

Tommy Loves Oreos

I took these in October of Tommy eating a Halloween Oreo. He enjoyed every little morsel of that bad boy!!

Nothing like a juicy shot of his dirty little ball hand.
And of his mouth. Mmmmm, looks good!!!!

Tommy just loves his daddy!!! When I hear the garage open, I say to Tommy, "There's Daddy" and he gets excited and says, "Dada dada." with the biggest smile on his face. When he sees Lynn, he practically jumps out of my arms!